Air bending

Yesterday was the first time I have got to watch The Legend Of Aang. Don't judge, okay. I never liked cartoons when I was a kid with the exception of Tom and Jerry of course. Who can hate Tom and Jerry?

I want to learn air bending. When I was a kid, I believed that there's this thing that you can do to control the elements like fire, earth, water and air. I probably looked like an idiot but it was fun. You know, believing things that weren't true. It's what a kid does.

And I reckon teenagers and old people still do it. Believe in promises that aren't going to happen, yeah? And I bet this is sounding too emo.

Yesterday, I did this Maths challenge and it drained all the energy I had. I swear after that, I just wanted to sleep all day. I answered some Year 10 problems!

andimsadokay.

My best guy friend and I

I have this favourite guy in the whole wide world. I know, I have many guy friends and all of them are close to me and they're my bestfriends but this one guy is different. If you'd let me choose between food and him, I'll choose him. Not to eat, of course. It's because that I am sure that he'll have some food that his mum made for him and they're really yumm-o!

I talked to Jerome again last night! After two months, he finally went online. Apparently, his computer broke down because of too much porn. No, joking. His computer broke down, I don't know why. We talked about life and how our new schools are. How we're doing and we caught up with each other's lives. Is it weird to read every word that he typed in his voice?

It feels so nice to talk with one person and laugh your heart out. My mum told me that I looked like this crazy person because I was giggling infront of the computer screen. Well she should blame Jerome, it's his fault!

We jumped from topic to topic. One reason why I like talking to him is because he can keep up with me and my talkativeness (is that even a word?) and he's talkative too! Sometimes we're just really senseless that we end up throwing insults back at each other.

Jerome? He's one person that I would love to see as soon as I get back. He's just plainly awesome. I'm awesome-r, of course but you get the point.

Nocturnal Stupidity and Cramps

I woke up at four in the morning because of nocturnal cramps. It was like my calves were being contracted and squeezed and being covered by cement. My calves were pretty tough last night and then the cramps moved up to my legs. It was like arthritis but no. I haven't had arthritis, I'm just assuming things.

I liked my dream though. It was just doing nothing but kissing him. I know, it sounds pervert-ish but not really. It was sweet. I kissed his cheeks, his eyelids, his neck, his ears, his fingers, his nose and of course, his lips. It was just like that. I slept for nine hours and all I dreamt about was kissing him!!! I'm inlove, okay. I'm just madly and deeply in love.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy. You know that I stopped my diet? I did. I'm actually eating almost five small meals a day and I'm not going hungry. What I'm doing is running everyday for twenty minutes or something and then some things. You know. And I'm starting to love vegetables other than broccoli and mushrooms! :D Hehehe, I love exercising under the sun, too. I'm changing my lifestyle for a bit. A healthier one!

"Dieting makes you look good with your clothes on. Exercise makes you look good naked."

-Someone

I was about to post this on tumblr but meh. I'll keep it to myself. I look so pale in this photo. Or my stomach, rather.

School's fun, too. I like school. Yeah, it sounds geeky but I'm not your average geek ;)

Those red eyes

Last week was hell. Seryoso. Yun araw na sobrang sakit at sama ng pakiramdam ko.

30/05/11- We broke up. Haha. Yes, I shed tears. Heaps of them. Andami at pati ako nairita sa sarili ko. I didn't do anything to try and keep him. I didn't ask for him to stay. I just let him slip away like that. I cried. Krizza and David. Sila yung mga taong naiyakan ko. Mahal ko silang dalawa, seryoso at walang malisya. Si David, I tried to talk to him. Sabi nya wag na daw akong malungkot pero hindi ko kayang hindi malungkot. I talked to him over skype, sinabi ko lahat ng masakit. Lahat ng nararamdaman ko at hindi sya nagsalita. Wala daw syang masabi eh. Speechless daw. I ended the call and cried some more. Hanggang matuyo na yung mga mata ko.

That was the night, yung gabing nag vow ako sa sarili ko na I'll still love him. Kahit patago at kahit ako nalang ang nakakaalam.

31/05/11- I've talked to heaps of people during that morning. They comforted me and told me na makaka move on din ako. Na kaya ko kasi matapang naman ako. Na ako pa? Sus. Pero seryoso, mahirap. Lalo na kapag yung taong sinasabi nilang makakalimutan mo eh yung taong nagbigay sayo ng unforgettable moments. Airra gave me this piece of advice at shit, pinaiyak nya ko.

School had never been that hard. Para akong zombie, floating around the school grounds. Walang facial expression, no nothing. I wasn't crying kasi natuyo na ang mata ko. They were pinkish pero kelangan ko pumasok. Yung mama ko hindi nahalata, ayos na yun. I don't want her to know something like that. Ayoko na magmukang tanga sa harap ng ibang tao.

01/06/11- Nakausap ko si Hanz ng umaga. Siya yung taong the best. The best.

"Kung parehas kayong nasa Pilipinas at aalis sya. May 30 minutes ka para makapunta ng airport, anong gagawin mo?"

-Hanz

Nag isip ako. Nalaman ko kung ano ba talagang gusto ko. I just wanted him back. Yun lang yung hiniling ko, na sana bumalik sya.

Ako: "Pupuntahan ko sya. Sasabihin ko na mahal ko siya. Kahit hindi ko siya mapigilan, kahit tumuloy sya ng pag alis nya ayos lang. Basta makita ko lang siya. Mayakap. Masabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Ayos na ko dun, Camps. Masabi ko lang lahat. Lahat lahat. Without holding anything back."


That night nag promise ako sa sarili ko na kapag bumalik sya, I won't let him go that easy again. Na kapag lumapit pa ulit siya, hindi ko na kayang pakawalan sya ulit. Ang saya ko. Kasi bumalik siya eh.

Seryoso ko no. I won't let him go away that easy this time. Ito kasi yung gabing nainlove ulit ako sa kanya. Sobra.

I just realised na mahirap. Na mahirap na mabuhay ng normal ulit after having him in my life tapos bigla syang mawawala? Siya nalang kasi.

You said you're happy. That made me smile. I woke up to that message and the smile is not fading still. I wonder sometimes, how can you be so like that and still be with me. But I don't care anymore, I'll stop asking that stupid question because I am thankful. I am thankful that you are still with me even though you've seen the not so admirable side of me.

I'm thankful because of all those imperfections and flaws, the sobs and tears you've witnessed, you're not leaving. 

I promise you, I'll always be here for you until you don't want me to anymore. Not physically, maybe. But I have two good ears to listen and these mouth and tongue to talk. It's all good.

I love you.

Places are just places

"If you really want things to change, you can make them change no matter where you are."

Hannah Harrington | Saving June

Places aren't the trigger of change. Changing of location doesn't do anything but put you to another place in the world but it doesn't change our lives, really. When people go away, they want to change or they want something to change. They hide and when a person doesn't want to be found, they won't be found. Where you are right now doesn't really affect your actions. Well maybe it does but it's still your choice if you want to do something. If you want to change something, you can make it. It doesn't matter which side of the world you may be.

Anyway, it's week four! Only five more weeks left of term two and twenty five more weeks of the whole school year! I just don't like the remaining weeks of this term, they're hell weeks. I have heaps of deadlines to meet and speeches and papers to do. I have an upcoming Maths test, too. Also, we're having a progressive assessment in English. We're going to be assessed every single fucking (it is necessary, trust me) lesson so that means no more reading in English time, nor sleeping. Sucks ay. But I am excited for term three. We don't do much things in the second semester do it's all good. Well, we have the QCAT in term three but that's probably easier than NAPLAN or something. I don't know but I'm not stressed about it. I've completely forgotten that we're going to take it but the teacher reminded us last week.

I'm happy, I just am. I like what's happening right now and hoping that this bliss will stay here forever but nothing stays forever so maybe lifetime will do. :D

Nightmares

I've been having sleepless nights these past few days. I've been having nightmares. They're not really sleepless, just tiring. I don't know, when I open my eyes, I feel like I haven't slept at all. It just feels like I've just closed my eyes for a long time but didn't get any sleep. I've been restless and always kind of sleepy at school.

Then nightmares, I've been getting them. I'm scared, I don't like nightmares because when I wake up, I always imagine them and can't go back to sleep again. I know it's childish but I don't care, I'm afraid. Everyone has fears and this is mine. Nightmares.

I'm afraid that they are going to haunt me at night and I won't be able to scream loud enough for someone to hear and I'll be all alone. I don't like being alone, it sucks. No one likes being alone, you're at peace but then realise at some point that it's not what you really want.

Uh, I want my old dreams to come back. Those ones with him in it.